Your Spouse Wants a Divorce , so what do you do next? Five Things You Should Do When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce:
- 1. Stay calm. One of the biggest mistake people make is they make a bad situation worse by thinking they can talk their spouse out of their decision and then get mad when things do not go the way they see it. Rule: if you find out your spouse wants a divorce, and pray for God’s intervention and that He places peace in your heart, wisdom on your lips, and discernment in your head.
- 2. Seek good counsel. If your spouse wants a divorce and wants to end the marriage and you want to remain married, ask people who are successful at marriage for advice, not people who have already failed and are divorced, on what you need to change in you to save the marriage. If you want to talk with divorced people about your marriage, ask them for a referral to a good divorce attorney.
- 3. Evaluate yourself. Most people take the decision to file for divorce very seriously, and it is only reached after a long period of destructive choices have undermined the viability of the relationship. Even though you may not see the symptoms of the destruction, it is present from your spouse’s perspective and you must learn acknowledge that perspective. The most effective way to see your role in the ending of the relationship is to seek professional advice with a qualified counselor but you need to be willing to dig through your “junk” to grow from the process. With hard work and dedication, you will learn to see your role in the relationship and how to identify and be in a “healthy” relationships in the future. Self-evaluation is critical when you have kids because you will need to develop an ability to honor and respect your kids mother even if she is no longer your wife.
- 4. Listen Always and Speak when Spoken to. I’ve learned over the years that most relationships fail because of a lack of communication. Generally, the breakdown in communication arises from the inability for one or both of the parties to be an effective listener. Accordingly, if your spouse wants a divorce, make sure that you listen to (and hear) everything your spouse says so that you can say what she needs to hear as opposed to what you want to tell her.
- 5. Make an Appointment with a Divorce Lawyer. Choosing a lawyer to meet with is the most important decision that you will make and it must be made sooner than later. When your spouse wants a divorce, you need to be informed about the process early in your case. The decision who to hire should be made only after you have had an opportunity to meet with the lawyer (or lawyers) and have developed a feel for how willing he/she is to tell you things you do not like to hear. If you do not develop this feel, change your questions and/or consult with additional attorneys. The person you retain must be willing and able to speak truth into your life in this emotionally devastating time. If you are uncertain or have any doubt about whether you should hire a particular lawyer you consulted with, make another appointment and meet with someone else. You do not want to hire someone you doubt when you must rely on their advice. Remember you have no obligation to hire a lawyer that you have a consultation with and you should be absolutely certain that you’re comfortable with your decision before investing in the lawyer services.
Contact Dugan Kelley with any questions or concerns.